Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
