Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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