I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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