I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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