Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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