So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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