i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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