Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
