There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
