Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
