You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
