stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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