A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
