some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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