A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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