can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
