porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
There's a naked man in my car right now.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
