I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
