Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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