you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
