Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
