Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
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I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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