You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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