My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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