I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
