She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
