Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
