it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
ttyl tear gas
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
