My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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