My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
we made out on top of his cat.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
