Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
