I hate all girls vehemently.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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