I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
