I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
