My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
