JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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