thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
