I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
