If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
