It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
