Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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