your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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