I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
