I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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