Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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