I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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