Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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