This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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