I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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