wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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