I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
