they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
