Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
