I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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