you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
