i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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