hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
