I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
They took my balls.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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