I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
