Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
