his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
