I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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