I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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