chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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