Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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