He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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