sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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