wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
