stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
