Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
