the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
