I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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