just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
