i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
