I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
