so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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