I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
