apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
