We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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