Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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