There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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