I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
