You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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