Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just blew my weed a kiss
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
