Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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