Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Less talking, more tequila
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
