I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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