if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
