I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
